Snack Time

Scene: Eating animal cookies.

Me: We should tell grandpa and great grandpa that we ate elephants, gorillas, and chickens while they were gone.

Her: But we won't tell them they were cookies! That's going to be so funny.

Sticky Situation

Scene: Putting some stickers on a book.

Me: Placing sticker carefully...
Her: You can't put it there! You'll ruin my project!

On Music

Her: I want to play this drum.
Me: Okay, you can.
Her: I'm just going to go over here and get a drummer.
Me: Do you mean a drumstick?
Her: Well yeah, but most of the people call them drummers.
Me: Is that right?

The Fashionista

How did I know she dressed herself this morning, you ask?

The Evidence
1) Silky floral skirt in browns, pinks, and greens
2) Cotton t-shirt in white with purple butterflies
3) Hot pink socks
4) Striped tennis shoes

It's a good look if you can get it!

Interior Design

Me: So, when are you going to tell me about your new room?
Her: Today.
Me. Really? TODAY? I can't wait to hear all about it.
Her: Wait. I'm going to tell you about it yesterday instead.

Thank You for Not Smoking...Seriously.

Me: Hiding around the corner of the house, but evidently not very well hidden.
Her: Are you smoking? I said don't smoke! It's yucky.
Me: No, I'm not smoking (quickly putting it out).
Her: You are too! I saw a smoker in your hand!

Hmmm. Smartypants. I guess I can't fool her anymore!

Rated PG

Looking in her toy box for something the other day:

Now where is that damn turtle?!

Thank You for Not Smoking

Her: Don't smoke! It's yucky. I told Jon it's yucky for him, too.

On Cleanliness

Her: You have a lot of dead bugs in your window.
Me: I know. I've been meaning to clean them out.
Her: Why don't you clean really often?
Me: Ahem.

Viewing Pleasure

Me: We should get you a new TV for your room and mount it from a swing bar on the ceiling so you can rotate it and watch it everywhere in your room.

Her: But if you put it on the ceiling, I'll need a ladder to watch TV!

Where Are We Going?

Scene: She is putting on her shoes and socks.

Me: Are you going somewhere?
Her: No, I just want to look cute.

Princess Poo Poo

Scene: Just moved into the new house, everything is still in disarray.

Her: Clean this mess up!
Me: Why don't YOU clean this mess up?
Her: I don't want to get my hands dirty.

Rakes and Shovels and Bicycles, Oh My!

Scene: Watching E.T. for about the 32nd time.

Me: So, are there any aliens hiding out in your shed?
Her: No. We just have rakes and shovels and bicycles in there.

Of course.

Aunt Carly: What do you want for your birthday?
Her: An outfit.

Management Material

Her Mom: Will you please help me clean up these toys?
Her: No, that's okay. I'll just supervise.

Best Friends

Grandpa: Who is your best friend?
Her: Aunt Jodi!
Me: Awww, you're my best friend, too.

House Hunters

Me: So tell me about the house you looked at with your Mom & Dad yesterday.
Her: Well, it had green steps, some beds, some basements, some closets, and plumbing.
Me: I am sure glad it had plumbing.
Her: Me too.

Really. Just Shut Up.

Don't say any more words!

Wildlife 101

Scene: She has just returned from a wild animal photo safari on her rocking horse.

Her: I'm back!
Me: Oh good. What did you see while you were gone?
Her: Elephant, lion, giraffe, ant, bear.
Me: Did you see any antelope?
Her: I don't know about those, but I have a jumparope!

What the...?

Her: You know what?
Me: What?
Her: I love you. But don't tell anybody, okay?

Just Watch It!

Grandpa asks her several questions about the show she is watching.
Obviously annoyed with the inanity of it all, she says: Just watch it, Grandpa!

Looking...

...in the cupboard: Marshmallows? Where aaare you?
...under the bed: Monsters? Where aaare you?

Painting

Her, remarking on my approximately 1st-grade level water color skills: You really painted a beautiful picture.

E.T.

Her: I want to watch the movie about the earworms.
Me: The earworms? What?
Her (laughing maniacally): Yes! The earworms.
Me: Do you mean E.T.?
Her: YES (still cackling)
Me: Oh, right. I guess you were saying "aliens"

Home Again

Grandpa: Are you going home now?
Her: NO! I already went home yesterday.
Grandpa: Oh, I see.

Arts & Crafts

Her: I don't want to use this glue stick anymore.
Me: Why not?
Her: Because I just don't love it enough.

For the Dogs

Her: This guy has six dogs.
Me: Oh my gosh! What does he feed all of those dogs?
Her: They have some bones.

Exercise

Grandpa (after getting off of the trampoline): Whoa! I'm about to fall over.
Her: Here Grandpa, I'll hold your hand.

Fashion

To me: Wow! Where did you get that new purse?

Valentine's Day

Me: Should we finish this Valentine card for your mom or not?
Her: Not.

The Store

To her mom: We're going to the store in our PAJAMAS?! People will think we're lunatics!

Travel

To me on the phone today: Did you have a good trip? (keep in mind, she is only two!)

The Bachelor

To her mom: I don't want to watch the Grammy's! Do you want to watch The Bachelor?